My journey through suicidal thoughts to regaining my passion for teaching 

Chris is a former head, certified coach, mental fitness trainer, and former Royal Navy Officer. After recovering from burnout in 2018, he returned to education with a mission to prevent others from experiencing the same. 

The hidden cost of ambition 

This is the story of how professional ambition, something often celebrated. pushed me to my limits. What began as a desire to prove myself led to burnout, depression, and eventually, suicidal thoughts. But after hitting rock bottom, I made the decision to prioritise my wellbeing. That choice empowered me to return to teaching happier, healthier and more fulfilled.  

This story is also a call to action for teachers, leaders, and anyone driven by high expectations to pause and ask: at what cost am I pursuing success? 

The perfectionism trap 

As far back as secondary school, I felt a constant need to prove I was good enough. I compared myself to others daily and always came up short. I struggled academically with undiagnosed dyslexia, being the “less academic” sibling, and teachers endlessly commenting, “you need to improve your spelling.” Those experiences left a lasting imprint. 

Whether those comparisons stemmed from my schooling or something deeper, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is recognising the beliefs you carry and asking whether they’re serving you. 

For years, I operated on the belief that working harder would make me more successful, and success would finally make me happy. I wanted to prove the people who had dismissed me wrong. The over-achieving felt like validation, and it became addictive. Somewhere along the line, my sense of worth became attached to being perfect. That’s where the danger started. 

The breaking point 

When I began teaching in 2010 at age 23, I set an ambitious goal: become a Head of Department by 30. I chased every opportunity - lead roles, projects, after-school clubs. My days started at 6:30am and ended well after 7pm. My weekends were eaten up by marking, planning, and the infamous “Sunday scaries” three-hour prep sessions. 

Looking back, I wasn’t alone in this mindset. Many teachers feel this pressure to work harder, say yes to more and climb the ladder. But I had become so focused on proving my worth that I lost sight of life’s small, essential joys. 

Eventually, I burned out. At rock bottom, I saw two options: do nothing and hope someone pulled me out or take action. I chose the latter. I visited my GP and shared with them the struggles I had been having including experiencing suicidal thoughts, they signed me off work, referred me to therapy, and adjusted my Citalopram dose. I felt guilt at first, as if I’d let down my team down. But messages of support gave me the strength to focus on getting better. 

I am now a certified First Aid for Mental Health Instructor and coach and I deliver suicide prevention training. I’ve seen first-hand how many are silently suffering as I did.  

According to the World Health Organization, around 700,000 people die by suicide every year and 1 in 15 people will attempt it in their lifetime. In the UK, men are still three times more likely to die by suicide than women. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or hopeless, please know this as someone who has been there: shame, pride, or silence shouldn’t stop you from seeking support. You can call Education Support, the UK’s only charity dedicated to supporting the mental health of everyone working in education on 08000 562 561. Thier helpline is free, confidential and available 24/7. Or if you or someone you know are in immediate danger or you feel like you cannot keep yourself safe, please call 999 or attend A&E immediately. 

Rewiring for mental fitness  

That time off allowed me to explore the science of happiness, neuroscience, and what I now call mental fitness: habits and strategies to maintain emotional resilience and clarity. 

I started embracing personal development: TED Talks, podcasts, therapy, neuroscience and psychology books which led me to learn about neuroplasticity, the brain’s capacity to rewire itself. Using mindfulness and CBT, I retrained my mind, realised my choices often stemmed from people-pleasing or status, and asked myself: what truly makes me happy?  

For me, it was quality time with family, but yours might be different. The key is to protect your time - say no when tasks interfere with your personal time and prioritise your own tasks at work first. 

I learned that most fears of judgment were baseless and now focus only on what I can control. I’ve taught myself to self-validate instead of seeking external approval. I also embraced working smarter. You may want to try using timers and fixed time slots; I've seen headteachers reclaim 10 hours a week doing this. 

You might like to try my mantra, “done is better than perfect.” It’s helped me let go of perfectionism, reclaim my time, and ironically, become more effective and successful at work. I talk more about this in How can teachers prioritise their mental health and Education Support share tips in Challenging perfectionist behaviour: tips for teachers and leaders.  

Cultures that care: supporting others  

If it feels daunting to talk about suicide, you’re worried about a colleague, or you are wondering how to create a safe school culture where suicide can be discussed without fear or stigma then you can download this free, expert guide Suicide, suicidal feelings and working in schools.  

You may also find this quick read on Changing the narrative: suicide prevention and awareness in schools useful. 

Get support  

Teachers and education staff who have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article or who are struggling with any other challenges can speak to Education Support, the UK’s only charity dedicated to supporting the mental health of everyone working in education: 08000 562 561.. If you or someone you know are in immediate danger or you feel like you cannot keep yourself safe, please call 999 or attend A&E immediately. 

In 2024/25, Education Support’s free, confidential helpline supported over 4,000 staff, with almost 10% assessed as at risk of suicide. Your donation helps us be there for teachers and education staff when they need us most. Read Charlie’s story: “That one conversation made a huge difference during my hour of need.