From depression to diagnosis: the impact of mental ill-health on my life and teaching career

I’ve always been committed to helping others. For most of my life, I’ve also been fighting an internal battle that affected my personal and professional life in ways that I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. From the age of 14, I struggled with episodes of depression and anxiety. 

This is my story. I share it to help others who may be going through similar experiences, as well as to offer schools strategies for supporting staff who are suffering from mental ill-health. 

Early struggles with depression and anxiety 

Looking back, I can see that my time in a high-powered academic grammar school, where the focus was relentlessly on results, played a significant role in the onset of my illness. The pressure to perform was all-consuming and I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe my struggles. Mental ill-health was a taboo subject and was never discussed at home or school. Later, I was to discover that my mum also suffered from depression. She was just very good at hiding it. 

Over the years, I had episodes of depression that occurred at least once or twice a year and often resulted in taking time off work as a secondary English teacher - sometimes for as long as six weeks. I would feel that I was sinking into a deep hole, unable to find the motivation to get out of bed, let alone teach. During my depression, I was lonely and confused. Fortunately, my colleagues offered me compassion, even if they were unable to understand my illness. 

Breakdown and diagnosis 

After 30 years in the classroom and 6 years working for a local authority, I took early retirement and became a freelance trainer and consultant. I was driven by a deep desire to help others who were facing mental health challenges. But I often found myself succumbing to the struggles I had helped others to overcome. In 2008, I suffered a major breakdown. 

In a moment of abject despair, I attempted to end my life by taking an overdose. Fortunately, I failed. I was admitted as a voluntary patient to a secure psychiatric ward, where I spent three months. During that time, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (BD) Type 2. It had taken over 40 years to receive a correct diagnosis. 

Understanding bipolar disorder type 2 

Bipolar Disorder (BD) is a mental illness with extreme mood swings. Type 2 BD is characterised by the dominance of depressive episodes over periods of mania. During manic episodes, I would feel overly energetic and excessively positive, sleeping little, and engaging in risky activities, including spending money that I did not have. These manic episodes were difficult for me to recognize as an illness at the time – instead, they felt like periods of being “well” or “on top of the world”. 

My previous visits to GPs and mental health professionals had been focused on my depression. I had wrongly assumed the periods of mania were just the natural pendulum swing of feeling better again. My hospital stay gave me an understanding of my illness and allowed me to explore a variety of treatment options for BD. After several unsuccessful trials, this led to a combination of medication which worked for me. 

Finding the right support 

One of the most challenging aspects of my mental health journey was finding the right support. For many years, I just thought I was a “stressed teacher” and that my illness was a result of work overload. Once I received the correct diagnosis, I found that medication was key to my wellbeing, and I have gladly accepted that I will take it for the rest of my life. Since first being prescribed my medication, I have been well for 17 years.   

Overcoming BD is, however, not only about medication. It is also about understanding my illness, and learning to be kind to myself, as well as building a network of support - friends, family, and work colleagues. It is also recognising that BD doesn’t limit my achievements – I continue to perform at a high level. 

Mental illness in men in education  

As a man working in education, I encountered an additional layer of complexity in managing my mental health. Men often face societal stigma around expressing vulnerability or asking for help. The predominance of men in leadership positions, including headteachers, reinforces a misconception that, to lead effectively, men must not show weakness. Men are also more inclined to struggle silently with mental ill-health fearing that seeking help will undermine their authority or credibility. This fear can lead to isolation, a worsening of mental health, and ultimately burnout. The suicide rate for men in the UK is almost four times that of women. 

A helpful blog on the topic of vulnerability is the power of vulnerability in leadership – with insights and tips that apply to leaders, teachers and education staff.  

Support in schools 

Times have changed. Many schools now do much more to support the mental wellbeing of their staff. There are also organisations like Education Support which offer a 24/7 helpline and one-to-one assistance. There is, however, still a long way to go. Here are a few steps that I believe make a difference: 

1. Normalising conversations about mental health: Schools should implement strategies to create an environment where mental health can be openly discussed, without stigma. This includes professional development for staff on mental health issues, including providing training for staff to become Level 2 First Aiders for Mental Health, building a culture of understanding, and displaying posters with information about sources of help. Teaching Assistants and Support Staff should also be encouraged to take advantage of such opportunities. 
2. Inclusive absence policies: Using the same protocols for a mental health absence as for a physical health absence. 
3. Open door policy: Ensuring that staff know where they can go for help. 
4. Wellbeing group: Establishing a wellbeing group to recommend strategies on reducing stress and work overload.  
5. Reducing or removing high-stakes accountability. There is a narrative that in-depth scrutiny of staff is essential to ‘raise standards’. My experience working with a range of schools has shown me that this is false. It is one of the reasons that staff experience burnout. Teachers also identify high-stakes accountability as a reason why they have left the profession. 

A new chapter: supporting others  

I’ve learned the importance of taking care of educators’ mental health – the hard way. If you are struggling with your mental health, it is important to reach out to someone you trust, or to organisations like Education Support, who are there to offer guidance, care, and support. Talking about it is the first step to recovery. Through my company, Teach Well Toolkit, I support schools and trusts to build workplaces which provide a mentally aware and supportive environment. You can’t have pupil mental health without staff mental health. They are two sides of the same coin. 

Finally, if you would like to understand more about bipolar you can look at this information on the NHS website.  

And remember, you can call Education Support’s free and confidential helpline, staffed by qualified counsellors available 24/7 on 08000 562 561.

If you are concerned you cannot keep yourself safe, please call 999 or go to A&E. 

Steve has over thirty years' experience as a secondary school English teacher, middle leader and assistant headteacher. Steve now works with schools and trusts to create positive cultures of mental wellbeing.  He is the founder and co-director of Teach Well Toolkit and many of the strategies he advocates are taken from the 32 school case studies in his book Cultures of Staff Wellbeing and Mental Health in Schools.